grrrr

The Large and Growly Bear

Once there was a large and growly bear.  One spring morning he woke up with nothing to do.  “I know!” said the large and growly bear.  “I will find someone to frighten! That is just what a large and growly bear needs.  So the large and growly bear went growling and prowling and scowling, looking for someone to frighten.  And what did he see?i

He saw that all the animals in the forest were too busy doing this or that, or going here or there to be distracted by his large “GRRRR!”   He grew flustered, appalled by his own ineffectiveness.  He finally decided to try to scare some fish because they seemed like easy targets, but when he reached the riverbank all he saw was A VERY LARGE AND GROWLY BEAR.

Suddenly he felt very small.  He didn’t feel growly, but he did feel like hurrying.  “Hurry!” he cried.  “Hurry away from the large and growly bear!”

When the other animals finally grew impatient with the large and growly bear, they informed him that he was the very large and growly bear that he had seen at the riverbank.  Once he understood, he felt embarrassed and apologized, grinning sheepishly.  From then on, when he wanted to play, he just let out a small “grrrr.”

                                                                   

           Bear Necessities

            You know the tune: “Just the . . .”

            Ah yes, that loveable Baloo.  Hmph-

            Pretty two-dimensional for a bear. 

A bear needs more than just the unconditional love of a boy cub riding his belly

As he floats lazily down the river.

Don’t get me wrong, Baloo is a model surrogate father 

But a real bear wouldn’t be so nice. 

What about the men who encroach on bear territory? 

Besides, aren’t there bear cubs to raise?

Then Baloo drops Mowgli off at the edge of the man village where
He just waltzes off with the shapely girl cub.  That seems pretty unfair.

            Maybe the boy cub will teach the men about the life of a bear,

But it seems more likely he will contribute to the proliferation of man.

A real bear would have watched the boy cub die on the jungle floor

And then he would have eaten him.

Granted, a bear needs to socialize –

To sniff, rub, lick and moan,

To smell another bear’s ass rub on the tree bark and then ass-rub it back.

It needs to nuzzle and lick its young and

Feast with all the other bears when the salmon return to spawn. 

It needs to frighten that squirrel

And it needs to be gazed upon through adoring eyes.

But there is a time and a place for everything. 

            A bear also needs to battle, to stand up for itself.

It needs to survive the winter.

It needs to return to the burrow fat and lethargic

So it can regenerate itself in bear dreams. 

A real bear would teach its cub how to eat, how to relate to other bears,

How to fight, and how to build a burrow. 

Then it’s “Good–riddance and don’t embarrass the family ass-rub.  Oh, and don’t Fraternize with man or you’ll end up like that clown Baloo!”

Bear in Mind

The gentle scratching on my door is the bear.  But this visitor doesn’t like to repeat words, and it doesn’t enjoy riddles.  It just wants me to come out and play for a while -- to leave lethargy behind and maybe have a drink or two and people-watch.  Sometimes the bear is gentle and nurturing, licking my wounds.  Other times it just wants to pick a fight.  It’s hard to resist opening the door because the bear is so sensitive and manipulative.  Then it will just sit there like a big furry lump in the dark, knowing I can’t sleep.  If the bear comes at a bad time, like when I’m on my way out the door, it will tag along and people will ask, “What’s the matter, something on your mind?”  When I reply “No, nothing,” it enrages the bear.  And the longer I ignore it the angrier it becomes.  B y the time I pay it mind again, it is ready to tear me apart.  It gnashes its teeth and claws, and challenges me to a wrestling match with a large “GRRRR!”  I know it can beat me, but I humor it because if I don’t fight back it may accidentally kill me, which would devastate it. I’m its human cub. It pities me.  It took a chance on me, and I shouldn’t let it down. Sometimes we wrestle until dawn, until we grow so tired and listless that the suffocating holds give way to warm embrace.  Bear in mind (bear with me) that this is no teddy bear, and not a murderer - it’s a just good thing bears hibernate. 

Anyone wanna wrestle?         

[i] From The Large and Growly Bear by Gertrude Crampton

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